


then and now

by snowmints



Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Dissociation, Gen, POV Second Person, Sibling Bonding, Though only for like 3 seconds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24394990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowmints/pseuds/snowmints
Summary: There isn’t room left in you for much at all, like the spaces between bone and sinew and blood have been reserved already, buried under the excess of someone else’s loneliness, someone else’s heavy heart, someone else’s want.
Relationships: Asriel Dreemurr & Kris (Deltarune), Noelle Holday & Kris (Deltarune)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	then and now

“Ready?  _ Steady? _ ” 

Mr Holiday’s voice sounds even more piercing and bothersome through the weird, foil, make-shift megaphone thing. It’s misshapen, and you don’t even think it  _ works _ , but he seems oddly fond of it still.

You wonder how many marbles can fit in it, and you wonder how much trouble you’ll get in for filling it with marbles (and how many marbles you could ethically persuade people into eating. You make a point of thinking of the ethical factor, because Azzy always says you should approach things ethically.)

“ _ Go!” _

A series of phonetically mismatched screeches fill the air. You bolt ahead towards the finish line, which is the world’s ugliest polka-dotted ribbon tied between the trunks of two trees. Azzy’s some ways ahead, the equally questionable polka-dotted tracksuit Catty got him for his birthday visible to the rest of the participants he’s now leaving in the dust. You draw in a breath and pick up the pace. Noelle surpasses Asriel in her significantly less ugly skirt and winter jumper. It is very tempting to headbutt one or both of them with your red hornband. 

You decide to show mercy.

Noelle wins the race, and that’s okay. Mr Holiday comes down from his perch on Dad’s chair, which someone also propped up on Dad’s large grill. He envelops Noelle in a hug. Mom and Dad are congratulating her, and Azzy’s catching his breath by the porch- he’s wheezing from the effort it took to catch up to Noelle at all, but he’s smiling, too, and you like that. You like him because he’s happy even though he doesn't win, and because he wears Catty’s ugly tracksuit gift even if it’s a glaring eyesore, and because he’s the nicest, and because when he sees you staring, he opens his arms  _ wide, wide, wide  _ and takes you in a hug, and then he lifts you and the world  _ spins  _ and you see stars even though it's morning and the sky is blue.

“Good race, Kris,” he says, his large hand ruffling your hair. “You were faster than last week! Noelle’s a really fast runner for her age, too.” Asriel raises a hand to wave at Noelle, who’s currently being paraded around on her father’s shoulders. She looks embarrassed, flushed red as her nose- but you don’t miss the smile on her lips.

Dad’s chair is off the grill now, and he’s gone to make you all tea, as is usual for the weekly family gathering. You don’t really like tea, or gatherings, or much of routine at all. But you like Noelle. You guess you don’t mind losing races much, and you don’t mind Azzy’s encouragement. 

It’s a bit chilly out.

  
  


.

“Ready?  _ S-steady _ ?”

Through the open doors of the gymnasium, you can see Ms Alphys, who appears completely uncomfortable from her position by the gym bleachers. Even through the mic, her voice’s tremor is quite prominent. A crowd of elementary schoolers are lined up beside the start line, taking position - you aren’t sure why their usual gym teacher took the day off, or why anyone thought Alphys was the next best person to ask when it comes to looking after a crowd of twenty-ish eleven year olds messing around a gym.

  
  


_ “Go!” _

Your eyes look away. Still, you hear the pounding of feet against wood, and something that might be someone crashing into some sort of metallic barrier or-- maybe just Alphys’ mic falling down the bleachers. Again. You can’t tell anymore, because your feet are taking you forwards and away. 

(In your head, you think you can hear Mr Holiday and your parents congratulate Noelle, or Asriel’s kind attempts at justifying an extremely ugly yellow tracksuit with polka dots and buttercups sewn on it. Maybe the sounds of laughter, or the sound of Mr Holiday coughing out a marble he found in his tea. 

Not really, though.)

You feel a heavy sigh trapped in your chest, a weight you haven’t the space to place. So you shoulder the heaviness in your heart and store your loneliness in the pits of your stomach. It’s a tight fit. There isn’t room left in you for much at all, like the spaces between bone and sinew and blood have been reserved already, buried under the excess of someone else’s loneliness, someone else’s heavy heart, someone else’s want.

All you hear is the sound of your own footsteps echoing in the empty hallways. The reverberations seem to taunt you. Another presence builds up in your throat, ripping senselessly at the filled space to make room for itself. Something more like a laugh, you think, though who it belongs to can't quite be gauged.

You fail to note how cold it is outside, a numbing bitterness sinking its teeth in your skin. It wouldn’t have mattered, anyway.

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This one is really old, actually- I believe I wrote it just a few months after the demo came out, and I found it today while looking through my old documents! I hope it brings whoever comes across it joy to read <3


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